Sunday, March 15, 2009

Strong, the Force Is

"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world..." If location could be surmised to be a gin joint, which one would I be in right now? Come on. Take a guess.

That's right, ladies, gentlemen, soldiers, and small children. I'm looking out my window at T. "The Big Smoke", "TO", Toronto. Call it what you like, I'm renting here, baby. This is my town now, about to be bent to my iron fisted will. Oh, you doubt me, don't you? I hear you over there, quavering in your rural corner.

"That town's gonna eat J alive."

Is it? Is it really? Come now dear Theophilus, let us reason together. Didn't you feel a tremor in the Force in 1995? What happened? I'll tell you what happened. I moved to this province in a brilliant reverse migration, West to East, bringing all my hate and its latent power with me. 

"TAKE your sabre. Strike me down! Together we will rule Ontario."

I heard, and I believed.

For those of you still questioning allow me to direct your gaze outside my excellent bay window...which looks at the homes across the street. There is a billboard on top of the building to the left: "Give Your Radio a Reason to Live..." Those of you who know me well enough to understand the source of my power will be nodding your heads. My prodigious dislike of advertising knows no bounds. You understand then, "Your hate has made you Powerful," and few hate as I do.

But what's this? A strange emotion, "I haven't felt this presence since..." Could it be? No, certainly not. And yet, a powerful love for the sign wells within me, as if to say my arrival in the centre of the Galaxy has been noticed. Perhaps a power greater than mine? Toronto welcomes me, calls to me,

"Luke...Luke, use the force."

"Ben...err, David?"

"Let the force guide you into my socialist regime and together we will strip power and access from law-abiding citizens while remaining powerless to stop illicit gun trade."

It IS David Miller. Fancy my presence here evoking the old Jedi Master's attention. And you doubted my ability to weave the Force around my plans. But wait...just who is the Dark Lord?

## Obviously I borrowed heavily from George Lucas and the only Star Wars movies I respect. This really ought to be a radio/web broadcast. I get such excellent Dark Emperor inflection in my voice. ##

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