Live, Rant, Die

For whom Bell tolls.

2010-09-16T23:40:00.002-04:00

Oh Bell. I wondered how long it would take their tentacles to reach into Virgin Mobile. Now I'm looking at one of the early indicators. Pre-Bell, Virgin always had a great web site. It was smart, sexy, easy to navigate, and didn't demand a 1+ GHz CPU to navigate.Hardly a week ago I was on the Virgin site checking out plans. (What good would I be if I didn't follow the competition?) I was

It's Not the Fall. It's the Impact...

2010-07-01T01:20:00.002-04:00

Okay, I've just spent the better part of an hour scanning and rescanning Canadian news sites for the story I saw on CBC around 10 PM tonight. I haven't found it yet. If anyone out there has better information than mine on the situation, by all means please let me know.Now, pay close attention to the wording.A TTC driver has been accused...You know, I remember learning about law and the

Get Some Love

2010-06-22T19:16:00.001-04:00

Everyone loves something.The man or woman who disputes dedication is trying to complete a puzzle without all the pieces.So, let's talk corporate for a minute. Most who know me have a pretty good idea of my feelings toward Western Corporate Culture and their control of television-subjugated North Americans. It's not for nothing that I refer to the overall players as the Corporati. Why, then, am I

Canamerican Discovers Outside World Not Like Home!

2010-05-23T11:29:00.003-04:00

I just happened to be looking over some unrelated information when I stumbled across this. And I quote:dave & christine Posted this report and said:Agadir [Morocco], where do I start,,, very good beach and sea and the weather we had was superb. After that it was terrible we felt very uneasy everywhere we went, with lots of little gangs around or people begging us for money constantly also men

Just Keep Talking

2010-03-19T12:21:00.005-04:00

David Suzuki is proof that you don't have to be right. You just have to keep saying the same things over and over again.As a thirty-something individual, I remember occasionally watching The Nature of Things as a kid. (Obviously that was a long time ago.) And even then, at what was possibly the height of my love for sciences and the animal kingdom,

Yahoo! and Homeland Security

2010-03-12T01:43:00.013-05:00

I am mainly just curious about this. When I click a Yahoo! link leading to a picture of a big fish (an Oarfish), and then click "show image" within the frame which Yahoo! provides to jump directly to the pic, why do I get to the Department of Homeland Security? And because a picture (or several) is worth a thousand words...We start with this on March 11, 2010 at about 11PM.Note

Lions and Tigers and Toyota, Oh My!

2010-02-16T12:12:00.002-05:00

Oops. I wrote this way back at the end of January, and although I put it on Facebook (I hate their new style), I forgot to put it here. It's a bit stale now, but perhaps still interesting. //addendumTrue story.Many moons back I got in an argument with a friend over vehicle manufacturing and ownership. He is or was a long-term GM employee, although not just a basic wrench man. (This was several

Costco

2009-11-20T00:04:00.004-05:00

So, I'm like, in Costco to check up on my application and their seasonal employment. I'm standing there, looking damn fine, chatting with the clerk who is wilting under my powers. Yeah, that's right.Without warning this contessa on my right suddenly looks at me and says, "Jason!" and goes for the hug. I'm surprised, so I fake her with a left and let the bottle of Johnnie Walker in my right do the

This Is a Rant

2009-11-06T17:31:00.006-05:00

I make no apologies for what I'm about to write; just as newspapers right now are producing blatant material with no apologies. I call it manufacturing terror, and it sure does lead to manufacturing. Profit margins are looking pretty sweet right now for big pharmaceuticals and others indirectly involved in the sale of terror, as H1N1 ravages populations. "Hey! fat boy. Yeah, I'm talkin' to you,"

I just did my part to help Big Brother.

2009-10-27T08:06:00.002-04:00

In today's vernacular, Luddite has come to mean a person who doesn't like technology. Or perhaps better spoken, a person who avoids it. Funny, that. Even the dictionary has come to present historical fact that way, stating the "Luddites" were groups of people who rioted because they believed automated machinery would deprive them of work.But Luddites were more than that. They were individuals who

New Study Shows...

2009-10-07T22:18:00.002-04:00

Dining table fork usage "good for you."The test group were individuals from every area of life: truck drivers, executives, dentists. Lawyers were initially included, but they repeatedly failed out, which has spawned a separate study. When wired into the Neurotron 2012, the subjects demonstrated increased brain activity prior to bringing the fork to their mouth. This lead to the realisation that

Ever heard one of those songs?

2009-10-05T00:48:00.006-04:00

This is one sick music video and song. I heard it on a soundtrack, and I said to myself,"That has a Björk-like ring to it. I like it. I must have it."So I start searching online, but my friend beats me to finding who it is. Lo and behold, the singer is not Icelandic, but she is Nordic, which is close enough. Something about those high-northern hemisphere Caucasians and their Indy musicians.

Walking As We Do

2009-08-16T20:21:00.003-04:00

I suppose that this is cheap, but it's likely better than just not writing. In short, I haven't got much to say these brief months past. All my verbalising has gone into the job I took selling shoes.Yup. You heard right.So, I'm back at Bigley's, and I'm badder than ever. Oh yes, they gave me my request and put me into the woman's shoe section where I'm able to exercise the subtleties of boy/girl

As I Tried To Sleep

2009-06-25T02:55:00.003-04:00

If I had my way there would be a special kind of fate for biting insects.I imagine that some person would discover a kind of antithesis to the Deplorable Word: The Word of Divine Vengeance Upon All Blood Sucking and Otherwise Vexatious Insect-like Creatures. Every Horsefly and Deerfly - to mention two delights of the earth - would feel a slight crushing presence as the sweet syllables of

Quotes Galore

2009-05-24T16:37:00.004-04:00

'The people of Krikkit,' said His High Judgemental Supremacy, Judiciary Pag, LIVR (the Learned, Impartial, and Very Relaxed), Chairman of the Board of Judges at the Krikkit War Crimes Trial, 'are, well, you know, they're just a bunch of real sweet guys, you know, who just happen to want to kill everybody. Hell, I feel the same way some mornings. Shit.' 'OK,' he continued, swinging his feet up

Regret

2009-05-04T22:06:00.005-04:00

Simply beautiful girl. Dark, intelligent eyes. Have iPod, will walk. Right past me as it turns out.I'm downtown Burlington, if you can call it that. For a city of 180,000 it has a remarkably posh but minimal downtown core. Perhaps I just wasn't in the right spot. Could be like Paris, low rent apartments with lower paid tenants behind a gorgeous facade, but somehow I doubt it.The waterfront is

Not the President

2009-04-29T02:13:00.006-04:00

"That didn't hold water, hot or cold, with some commentators and academics, who felt the magazine should have adhered to a central tenet of photojournalism: You don't alter photos. Period." - source -That's key. This presidency has so much potential for altering history. I don't mean history future or the course of history, although that would also be inevitable. No, I'm thinking more like

Move Along, Nothing Here

2009-04-26T15:27:00.001-04:00

Nothing comes to mind. It is this nothingness which I have been fostering, creating, breathing life into. (Oh yeah, I'll end a sentence with a preposition. If Margaret Thatcher could go to war over the Falklands, I can use prepositions whenever I want.) But I was talking about nothingness.It is the nothingness of inactivity, which is even worse than doing something which you hate. At least then

Fundraising: Yada Yada Yada, Or...

2009-04-16T09:40:00.010-04:00

I have nothing against non-profits doing fund raisers. Neither do I desire to slam God, ministries, or any other worthy pursuits. This story developed because I saw a leaflet for an organisation whom I respect highly. They were announcing and advertising this year's annual golf tournament, and since I don't play golf I immediately thought, "Everyone does golf-this or golf-that to raise money.

Strong, the Force Is

2009-03-15T12:00:00.008-04:00

"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world..." If location could be surmised to be a gin joint, which one would I be in right now? Come on. Take a guess.That's right, ladies, gentlemen, soldiers, and small children. I'm looking out my window at T. "The Big Smoke", "TO", Toronto. Call it what you like, I'm renting here, baby. This is my town now, about to be bent to my iron fisted

Fun With Maple Trees

2009-02-16T19:11:00.004-05:00

{tons of snow} - {cold temperatures} = Backyard Lake{backyard lake} + {cold temperatures} = Backyard Rink{backyard rink} + {maple trees} = Mucho Funno.I love skating.

Why I Don't Do Drugs: part III

2009-02-16T00:07:00.002-05:00

This is the third installment of "Why I Don't Do Drugs", a tale of prolific proportions and upset tummies. And now to briefly recap...The Hero: nameless wanderer through trackless wastes, hottish deserts, comic horrors, and underground kingdoms. Ever driven by burning heartburn, we now find him leaving the Desert of Excruciating Prose and entering a sunlit plain. The hero began walking across a

Simpletons, Jason's Pleasure. Recipe #3

2009-02-13T23:51:00.003-05:00

What follows might seem a little crazy, what with my passion for details. So here's the short form, in case you're hungry NOW.Cook an egg.Briefly sauté a couple slices of tomato.Make the two be friends.Eat.Now for those of you who like the details and the story, or perhaps you've just quenched your hunger and have more patience now...I like eggs. I make no apologies for that. Do you remember when

I drive, therefore I think.

2009-02-01T00:14:00.008-05:00

I've been taking a course in Toronto lately. There's a fair bit of extra driving, but I like driving. Driving, mind you, not sitting on the freeway waiting for impossibly slow people.Being a country boy, certain brilliant standards declare me slow and uncouth. Granted, the rural lifestyle typically has a slower pace than a large, self-important city. But in my case, the slow gene didn't even

hilarious...

2009-01-27T09:09:00.004-05:00

I was reading through some Debian info, when I happened to follow a trail which lead to another dude's page. One thing lead to another, and then I saw this:I laughed a slight laugh, a breezy laugh. Not a guffaw.

Dedicated to every surfer who's smoked his/her brains out.

2009-01-07T23:55:00.012-05:00

You might not know it from my posts, but I spend waaaay too much time on my laptop."No way, maaan.""Waaay, dude."Well, now I've decided to slam a picture of me nude, uh...wait a sec! How did that get...?!!?CRASH, THUD, scrambling for power cord.There's only one thing missing now: a good blam.And moving right along, here's a screenshot of my trusty old laptop's screen.For those of you scratching

Why I Don't Do Drugs, part II

2008-12-03T10:10:00.001-05:00

Our hero, though walking resolutely through the Desert of Excruciating Prose, began to stumble. A dark cloud formed itself over his head, and an indistinct pressure began to take hideous shape. The Imagination Block is sheer boredom. Fiercer than a 4.6 headed dragon, more difficult to comprehend than the Worst Thing. A living being with only one purpose: mind mangling.Our hero braced himself. He

The Art of the Sheep

2008-11-28T21:02:00.001-05:00

"People are MEANT to be lead!"One thing's for certain. She wanted to be heard, and everyone did. At least to judge by the swivel-head factor.This argument can be taken more ways than flights to London. Up, down, diagonally, in the fourth dimension, take your pick. You can probably prove your preference. Take my second sentence: "...swivel-head factor." Everyone within range of her comment turned

Obama For the People

2008-11-10T15:16:00.004-05:00

"Yes, we can."The words which apparently invigorated the usually numb masses and brought young people to life. This is not a rant about Obama's character, political leanings, administration or future thoughts. In fact, this isn't about Obama at all. I want to address the electorate, those brave souls who voted in the hope of change.Change is a good thing, perhaps the best of things, yet there are

Patron of Annoyance

2008-11-07T16:04:00.001-05:00

I'm sitting in a Peterborough cafe, and I'm about to snap...a dumb kid's neck. Just for completion, I'll also have to errr - relocate - his non-stop giggling girlfriend. Seriously, where do these kids come from? Are they spontaneously spawned out of some dark pit, released into the night to torment innocents?This dude, who in all fairness is probably intelligent, in some area...at the very least

Recipe #171: Jason's Indignation

2008-10-15T15:53:00.002-04:00

I just love the pasta genre of cooking. Of course when North Americans hear the word "pasta", we usually envision meat balls or salads. A long time ago I realized that it was an injustice to limit staple foods to only a few areas. My continuing pasta fetish happens to be in the curry-ish realm. Since I prefer savoury to sweet, they usually carry a decent bite. Now, a word of caution.There are two

Always Leave an Impression

2008-09-28T15:47:00.001-04:00

There has been some interest expressed over the manner of my resignation after a six day stint with a Rona hardware store in Collingwood. Why they asked for a letter of resignation is beyond me, but I'm always eager to please my corporate masters. Before I wrote the letter, I debated over the vernacular to use. I could easily slip into business mode and crank out something polished, brief, and

Ban Red Meat

2008-09-24T15:45:00.001-04:00

I've gotta warn you. This is pure rant. Some of what I say will be borderline truth, potentially psychotic, and forever stabbing at the issue.It seems to be assumed that eating red meat causes aggression. Rubbish. I know one meat eater who harasses vegetarians, and he just likes to tease them. Sure there are lots of jokes flying about, endangering eyesight, but I see more of the opposite. Take a

You Always Catch Them at the Next Light

2008-09-12T15:43:00.001-04:00

A recent verbal tussle over driving and speed reached its zenith when the fella started to say, "I hate guys..." but stopped because "...guys like that" included me. I verbalised his thought for him."You hate guys like us. That's okay. We hate guys like you." In the distance someone laughed.I should clarify. I didn't know this guy, yet he jumped into a personal conversation and changed its

I'm a Greenie

2008-09-03T15:01:00.001-04:00

Those who know me well understand how absolutely fanatical I am about the environment. Although I do occasionally point to "Factual Evidence" and "Literal Science", as opposed to politics, fads, and David Suzuki."Oooh, Marsha, get the 12 gauge. That SOB just dissed his Holiness. I'm gonna blast him."I grew up tramping through the woods. I mean real bush, not that abandoned field on the outskirts

Super-Duper Spectacular Motorcycle Extravaganza Extraordinaire

2008-08-31T14:57:00.001-04:00

Yesterday afternoon I was annoyed. I mean really annoyed. There's been some kinda kerfuffle with payments on my visa, and now I can't get the shingles I need 'till next Tuesday. I was so mad. Especially since this kind of crap always seems to happen right on a holiday. I'm already late at starting the job. To add insult to injury, not one but two kind souls nearly caused accidents on the road

Oldie, but a good 'un.

2008-08-16T14:49:00.001-04:00

This was part of an email written in July 2006. It is possibly my favorite rant of all time. Unfortunately, it's also true. Just look at the freaking Collingwood Drew Wright/Canadian Idol craze, and tell me that TV doesn't diminish imagination, intelligence, and a social life.I've gotten into a terrible habit this week.This morning I suffered from a dose of morbidity. That's right, morbidity. I

The Crevice Cave of Diiisssspaaaaiiir

2008-08-07T14:45:00.001-04:00

December 29, 2004, a nice day. Cold, but not bitter. The day before my birthday. A depressing day, but not in the birthday fashion. More like wondering whether I cared about existing: in the thoughts of Calvin from "Calvin and Hobbes", an infinitesimal speck on an infinitesimal speck in relation to the universe. I rather came to the conclusion that I didn't care, and with this glowing thought in

Cafe o' Confrontation

2008-08-05T14:38:00.001-04:00

Why would you confront someone in a cafe? I can see a good side to it. Actually, no, I'm lying. Why on earth would you pick a small independent cafe with awesome coffee, cool regulars, and friendly staff to straighten out that festering issue which has been growing like a nasty boil? Nobody wants to see that sucker max out and explode.Seriously. What inspires the public arguer?[enter]"Hey Mom,

Collingwood's Finest, sort of...

2008-07-12T14:38:00.002-04:00

Cab drivers. In every place with a population higher than 5000, they drive with purpose. You don't get paid unless you have a fare. Then, once the fare is in the back, you take it a bit easier. After all, there's usually no use in terrifying the clientele. Collingwood cabbies, however, missed the first part of the lesson. I've long noticed that they are s l o w but I didn't also realize that they

Collingwood/Conspiracy

2008-07-12T14:32:00.001-04:00

I'm listening right now to a guy who has a vague idea of what's going on. He's a conspiracy theorist in the classical sense of the word: large theories, quasi-factual evidence. Sure, he's got strong opinions, and that beats getting all your info from the media, but I'm finding his prattling on somewhat difficult to take. For one thing, I didn't step into my fave Collingwood cafe to eavesdrop on

Why I Don't Do Drugs

2008-06-29T14:31:00.001-04:00

Inspiration provided by caffeine and irregular sleeping habits. (It also helps if you like Gary Larson, Bill Watterson, have actually read Beowulf, two to three hundred old Russian fairy tales, and enjoy Seinfeld's J. Peterman. I almost forgot. Thank you too, Frank Miller, and innumerable old flicks.) This is starting to sound like an Oscar acceptance speech.Thus spoke the bard:...For our hero

Small Town, Clogged Highways

2008-05-17T14:28:00.001-04:00

Oh, the wonderful joy of a small vacation town on a long weekend. Retirees who left Toronto on Tuesday arrived in Bobcaygeon last night, intent on clogging the highways on Saturday. Most of them have forgotten that some of us continue working on Saturday, and that work helps support their federal cost today. Ah yes, I do enjoy the thought that somewhere there is a slower pace of life, and a small

Published in The Concordian...!

2008-03-16T14:25:00.001-04:00

Hed: SOUND OFFSubhed: Why the major leagues need to sacrifice Roger Clemens to keep the dream aliveby: Jason Cole374 words.Roger Clemens, monster pitcher, prima donna . . . steroid user? The hearing over whether Clemens used Human Growth Hormone (HGH) has purposefully missed the point. True, somebody's lying, but that's a sideshow, a mere smokescreen. This is about keeping a dream alive for you,

Once upon a long time ago...

2007-11-16T23:45:00.001-05:00

The wiring demanded full focus. I could do that, but for the kid scrambling under my feet. I tried to ignore him, and sure enough, he seemed to disappear."Now I'm getting somewhere. But where did that lighter get to?"I played the hunch.Not ten steps toward the barn and the little fella came out in a hurry. I listened attentively. Judging from his speech patterns, he seemed to have stumbled